The thirtieth of March, 2013. The day I first heard that you were no longer with us. Twenty six ribs from my core nearly disintegrated, leaving my core untenable. Tattooed in, that day refuses to be dislodged from my brain matter. The thirtieth of march, Orlando Pirates had a home game against Tuks. The match remains a blur to this day. What was the score again? I never knew, I’ll never know. All I knew was that your breath was a thing of the past.
Plans; they never went according to script. Four free tickets were offered willingly to four people. Three people enjoyed themselves. One was transported to an alternate universe were he did not exist, for if he did not exist, you would still be alive.
Plans; they never went according to script. On a day I was supposed to catch up with a person I’ve known since I was six, a nefarious thing occurred.
Plans; they never went according to script. Wasn’t that day supposed to be first (of many) day of us just chilling, reminiscing, hoping, planning?
Hope; I had it, we all had it. We all wished that it would be okay. And it did initially. You awakened, you saw us, you saw me, You spoke. But it was ephemeral , for all that hope evaporated when we could no longer be blessed by your vision and your speech.
Guilt; the most useless of all emotions. The guilt that entraps,the guilt that forbids one to turn left on Colorado drive, Riverlea, to see your brother. The guilt, that guilt that plays out scenarios of what might have gone right had one not have made an effort to reconnect. The guilt that forsakes that smile, your smile. That earthy, feel good smile that transforms all situations.
That smile; that smile, that smile, that smile; the smile that lets everyone knows that it’ll be okay. That smile; that genetic sequence smudged all over your kinsfolk. That smile your nephew had that fateful day when he ran towards you, shouting “Tata’mkhulu!”. That full-mouthed, full-teethed, full-smile of your kinsfolk. That smile that forever forbade us from catching a glimpse of your blood-relations (How come all of you have the same smile?!?), ’cause that smile, your smile, kept telling us it’ll be okay when we knew better.
That earthy, feel good smile. That smile that stoop opposite of us, parallel. That smile that compelled my limbs to head in the opposite direction when your sister shouted “be strong, hold on”. That smile that was fleeting, ephemeral. That smile that hoped for a ‘password’ that never came. That smile that would allow us, momentarily to cross to the other side, with him.”
That eternal darkness; most of us had resigned to the inevitability of just existing without randomly encountering such a special soul, A genuine good person. You were that. You brought bliss to this awful earth and if a person of your calibre could be removed from this earth what hope is there for the rest of us?
Our words will forever fall short of honouring you. All we can say is something cliché: Rest in peace young blood, you will always be a hole in our hearts.