Ungrateful

A week ago I settled my student loan debt and I feel weird about it. See, I never managed to squeeze through that pin needle when the bubble popped and companies stopped hiring after the infamous ’08 recession. Like many of my peers I took a job that I was overqualified for back in 2011 and I haven’t looked back since. The job was/is mind numbing but it paid decently and it made possible my lifelong dream of going to several road trips with a car I bought on debt and for that I will be forever grateful, but (there’s always a but when it comes to these matters) I often wonder where I would be had I been more patient and not jumped at the first job that came my way and then I feel sad.

My peers, who took the route I took managed early to steer themselves in the right direction and I’m still stuck here, on auto pilot, working sixty hours a week, ‘wasting my potential’. This makes me sad and I don’t know why, I’m not even that passionate about Mechanical Engineering! But the feeling is there, lingering, refusing to evaporate and until I start paying attention to these disquieting thoughts, I will forever be trapped in an ocean of regret and bitterness. And sadness. So here I am, contemplating giving it another try, wondering if I can survive the pay cut needed to go on this journey. Will I be able to intern to get the necessary skills and experience? I don’t know, what I do know is that I am not happy where I’m at and I will never be, regardless of the monetary rewards, so I’m giving it another go, It’s graduate recruitment season and although I’m not really a ‘graduate’, having no experience, I qualify for these things and I’m going to try and see if I can’t squeeze in or something.

 

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