Unrequited Feels

Was it really unrequited when we both knew what was up but only one of us failed to acknowledge it? I fail to understand how, for two years, you have managed to make me feel that the reciprocity was just a figment of my imagination. Something in me tells me that I wasted two years, tens of thousands of kilometres driving to your place but I’m thankful that I got to know what it feels like to love wholeheartedly, even though the love wasn’t really reciprocated. I understand though, in a loveless world, it’s revolutionary to admit to someone that you feel the same. To take a gamble, and open your heart long enough for someone to occupy it. I was like that too, ’til I met you. You came into my life and miraculously, the callus in my heart that has developed over the years began to heal. My heart was totally exposed, my heart grew and my capacity to love grew with it. That was precisely the problem though, as my heart healed, as my love for you grew, “we are just having fun” became a lousy answer to the question: “what exactly is going on between us?”. My now overgrown heart selfishly wants to feel loved for a change and that is not what is going on at the moment.

I admit, I’m bitter. I waited so long to hear you say I loved you too and with time you found new ways to make me feel crazy and each time I decided to move on, you came back into my life. I let you come back each time but now I’m tired. I don’t know how to cut you off from my life, you have been a part of me for a while now, it feels like forever. How will a heart that has grown so big adjust to being vacant? I don’t know but I’m ready to take a leap of faith. The last two years have been magical and surreal. I thank you for sharing your life with me. I hope you had as much fun as you had intended. Goodbye.

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