Writing this feels weird. It feels strange doing this again, I have grown accustomed to not having an outlet to speak my mind. There were many instances where I had to resist the urge to come back, many instances where my journal just wasn’t enough. Although the things I write in my journal are similar to the things I have written here, writing in a public forum has a therapeutic effect that I can’t fully understand. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed pouring out my heart to an indifferent internet.
Exactly two years ago I made a hard decision to discontinue this blog. I never fully divulged the reasons here, I said I was at an age where I did not feel comfortable sharing, which was true. I wanted privacy and by privacy I didn’t mean I wanted to stop using these companies that sell our data to third parties. I meant privacy in a simple sense, I wanted to live my life without the burden of broadcasting it to friends and acquaintances. People tend to be snoopy and I was at a point in my life where, because of facebook and subsequently this blog, people knew a lot of things about me. I made a mistake of linking this blog to my facebook profile* and when people I knew in real life started saying things like “But on your blog you said…” I realised how uncomfortable I am with people I know IRL knowing the inner depths of my being. I might be an open person on this blog but I’m not an open person in real life. I feel uncomfortable discussing my personal life with my loved ones, I don’t know why but I don’t hesitate sharing things here, it’s strange.
It’s been two years and I am fairly certain that my loved ones have forgotten about this place. I can now speak freely with minimal self-censorship. I am back, sort of.
*Four months after discontinuing this blog I permanently deleted my facebook account, haven’t looked back ever since.