2011 in a nutshell

{Note: For the past two years in mid December, we had a tradition of dropping a long post recounting the ups, the downs and the lessons I learned that year. I am not planning on doing any posts after October, so I decided to do that post now. Instead of stating the lessons I learned, I’m just going to summarize this year.}

January

The last three months of the previous year having ended with my brain imploding, I started the year on a somber not. Broke, Jobless and running at a very low efficiency because I didn’t have money to buy the stuff that tricks my brain into thinking it was still healthy, alcohol. I spend most of the month locked in my room watching conspiracy theory documentaries, reading the bible and writing hateful shit about the people I felt abandoned me in my hour of need in my journal. It wasn’t pleasant. I almost got accepted into a graduate trainee programme at my dream company, the rejection made me lose hope in ever working for a multi-national.

February

My room started to make me feel claustrophobic, I started spending time in the living room couch instead, watching Al Jazeera, in my underwear.  I also realized that feeling sorry for myself wasn’t helping anyone, I set aside an hour a day for job hunting purposes. I had a contact sheet of Engineering companies that I had made three years ago, I spend most of the time calling and speaking to HR companies. The response was mostly negative, most companies flat out refused to let me work for them even for free, but because I was doing something about my situation, I felt good about myself, if only for a little while.

March

Late last year I swallowed my pride and went to see the doctor about my suspected depression, I was referred to a mental health clinic where I was put on a waiting list. Three months later, I was called to see the psychologist. My suspicions turned out to be true and I was diagnosed with deep depression. That was the beginning of something special, the beginning of me doing something tangible about the depressive episodes I’ve been having since I was fifteen. They tried to put me on anti-depressant but I I refused and the psycho-therapy sessions only lasted five weeks, but just experiencing that made me realize that I don’t have to live with this for the rest of my life, I decided to do the best I can to live life happily.

April

Something terrible happened and I ended up getting an emergency surgical procedure. I spend most of the time lying in bed recovering, watching movies and reading novels. It was a pleasant time. I also ended up thinking about my therapy sessions and I started healing, physically and mentally. I let go of a lot of baggage I’ve been carrying since adolescence. I wish I could elaborate further, but I decided not to share this with anybody.

May

May was a turning point. My year went from shitty to gritty in a short space of time. My mother’s boss knew someone who had a business in construction. She asked me to send him my CV and qualifications, which I did. The next thing I knew, the dude was calling me negotiating employment with me, I was still recovering from my surgical procedure, the whole thing didn’t sound legit but it was and I finally ended up getting employed.

June – August

Words cannot explain how pleasant these three months were, everything was perfect. I regained my equilibrium, my relationship with my friends and family improved remarkably. I felt better, lighter, like the weight I was carrying on my shoulder was magically lifted away. Even if something terrible happens, the fact that June – July happened would still make this year a good year.

September and October

Besides the headaches that my car has given me and my fuxed up finances, Sep & Oct wasn’t that bad. When I found a job I had forgotten that I was still in the process of rebuilding my life, after the good job I’d done destroying everything these last two years. I got excited and ended wasting money on parties and people who treated me like a leper during my days of unemployment. My recent troubles helped me refocus on getting my life together, which is what I am currently doing. I’ll be off the grid ’til mid December, I’ll be busy rebuilding what I had destroyed, getting my finances in order and getting some much needed stability.

All in all, this has been a good year. My depression is almost gone, I can now function normally and interact with everybody. Like I said, I intend on keeping a low profile the remainder of the year so expect less blog posts. I feel as though this depression made me lose two years of my life, there’s no way of getting it back, all I have to do now is look forward and try to rebuild what’s left of my life. There’s only two months left in the year, I’ve achieved all goals I’ve set this year, I’m just going to chill and enjoy my new found joy.

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