Almost at ease

“Almost as ease”, that is probably the boldest statement I could make right. It seems as if everything around me is going wrong, my depression keeps creeping up on me in the most inopportune times. The people I once loved are either dead or changed beyond recognition. I have finally proven all those who have been wrongly accusing me of a drinking problem right, the alcohol reliant ’03/’04 version of me has been resurrected. But through all this, my optimism keeps surprising me over and over again. I mean, being such a pessimist, doesn’t it make sense that all this turmoil should cause my shitty outlook in life become more shittier? But that isn’t the case at all, I find myself having unfamiliar thoughts like “Soon all your hard work is going to pay, your dreams will finally materialize into something tangible” it scares me sometimes but most of the times it gives me hope, that maybe I have what it takes to get over this rut. Soon I’ll be happy again.