Random stuff on my mind: Black "white wedding" clichés edition

This Saturday I attended the first of a series of wedding I’m expected to attend this year. It’s 2010, and cupid, in collusion with the LOC used mind control to make people think that if their wedding coincided with the year the Soccer world cup is hosted, it would become more special. In any event, the wedding was nice, but being the douche that I am, I had to notice a few umm interesting things about black weddings.

The speeches

  • The uncle making a speech telling the groom to “behave himself, he’s a married man now.” I swear, a variation of this speech always occurs, I never really understood what the uncle is trying to get at. Is he trying to tell the rest of us that he isn’t faithful in his marriage and doesn’t want his nephew to make the same mistake? or maybe he knows something about the groom that the bride doesn’t know and is trying to give her some hints? either way, I find that speech inappropriate.
  • The auntie or mother, telling the bride to not take marriage advise from her unmarried friends, it will only ’cause more problem. That’s kinda like stating the obvious.
  • The bride’s friend waffling about how the bride shouldn’t abandon them or their snotty little crew just ’cause she’s married kinda sounds like a rebuttal of the earlier speech by the mother / Auntie.
  • The Master of Ceremony’s cheesy jokes that only old people laugh at, I always look forward to that.
The choreography

  • At the beginning of the ceremony, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen do this little choreography were they pair up and do the “Step” over and over again for about ten minutes. The do the same step, every wedding, nobody bothers to do something different, and they wonder why I hate weddings?
  • Exactly after “The step”, the bride and groom sing a duet but they’re not really singing, they’re lipsynching to a cheesy R&B duet usually by Beyonce or if their older, “My endless love” by Mariah Carey and luther Vandross.