Why I haven’t quit drinking…and probably never will

Long time readers of this already know the deal, My nosy loved ones decide to have an informal chat about my drinking habits, they send someone to have a “talk” with me, I end up telling the whole world that I’m taking a break from Alcohol consumption, I do this for about a month and then say fuck it! who are they to tell me that I drink too much. I do this every three month, it has gotten so bad that nowadays if I dare say I’ll stop my drink fiendish ways not even a two month old would believe me! Like I said in the last post, this week I made a decision to quit boozing altogether then two days later I changed my mind (shocker!). I then realized how stupid I look and decided never to do it again, I’ve been drinking since I was fifteen, why on earth would I stop now*. I probably won’t stop drinking, and this is why:

-I honestly have a deep appreciation for the art of brandy and beer making. People took years to perfect the process. The least I can do is show my appreciation for these patient, hard working men and women who sacrifice months monitoring their mixture, everyday going to their casks just to check if everything is going A okay etc, is to purchase their final product and enjoying the fruits of their labour by having a cold one with a couple of friends.

-I feel bad for white people, it really isn’t their fault that they have no rhythm so in solidarity to my melanin deficient brethrens, I take a bottle of ten or beers, develop two left feet and start DANCING LIKE A WHITE GUY. This way, they don’t have to be the butt of all jokes at parties (I’m altruistic like that)

– Drinking keeps me from sending an angry e-mail to the guys at google for always messing it up when it comes to placing relevant ads on my blogs, like the other day when I made a post about the theory of black halocaust. I made a mistake of using the word “exterminate” on the post and when I looked on my sidebar all I saw were ads about exterminating fleas, couple this with all those interracial dating site ads they’ve been placing over at my other blog I was ready to hack into google’s main page and replace the google logo with a picture of a old lady flipping the bird at little boy scout trying to sell her cookies but thankfully I had a nice glass of Amstel and forgot about it.

– Drinking keeps me from strangling my sister for always talking non-stop, saying the most random things when we’re watching something on Television.

– If I had drank something before I wrote this, I’m pretty sure I would’ve came up with more reason why I haven’t quit drinking and probably never will and I’m quite sure this post wouldn’t be as shitty but I haven’t consumed alcohol in weeks so I can’t think of anything else