There’s less than seven days ’til the best month of the year comes, the month I was born, the month that kicks off summer in the Southern Hemisphere( Them Northern folks are screwed), and the only time were you can do the dumbest thing ever and get away with it. In the townships they call it Dizzy tyd( Tyd= time in Afrkaans) because everybody acts all foolish and blame it on the ridiculous amount of booze they’ve consumed, come to think about December is the only month were it’s socially acceptable to consume the most retarded amount of alcohol you can. If you haven’t done anything stupid in December then you must either be a wise person or a lonely turd with no friends. In the spirit of sharing I’m going to tell y’all about the dumbest things I’ve done in the last few years that could be blamed on the month of December.
December ’99: I had just turned 13, Just hit puberty and thought I was ready to take over the world. I was visiting my uncle for the holidays and he had a cabinet were he kept vodka. my and my cousin stole the half full bottle and drank it all. This was the very first time I got tipsy( I wasn’t drunk just a bit buzzed), my cousin was very drunk, he drank more than me, I was a sipper and he was the guzzler. He got so drunk that he told my Uncle were to get off and we both got the hiding of our lives, from this day I still prefer not to wear belts because the belt I was wearing was used to spank ’till my buttocks turned red.
December ’02: I got drunk, stripped naked and ran down a crowded street on New years eve in Hillbrow. The next morning I blamed it on the alcohol but the truth is I’m a closeted exhibitionist. I get naked in front of people every chance I get and blame it on various circumstances.
December ’03: I hate talking about anything that happened in 2003-2004 ’cause that was a time that I wish didn’t happen, I indulged in very dangerous behaviour, was drunk 80% of the time and I had the most blackouts during this period. the dumbest thing I did was indulge in unprotected intercourse with strangers in Qwa-Qwa, I could have got the dreaded HI Virus or a child. I’m so glad I got lucky and I’m appreciative of the fact that I managed to wake up amd become responsible.
December ’04: I had just passed grade 12 and thought the world was my oyster, consumed the most amount of booze as humanly possible, I’m quite sure my liver is going to pack up soon as I pass the “Bloom of youth”.
December ’06 I didn’t sleep for six straight days and finally slept on the first of January
December ’07: I gate crashed three parties in one night and nobody even noticed that my beer loving crew and I were uninvited guests!